To those strong Filipina ladies

I was talking to somebody last night who was saying about the need for women in the developing world to get educated and to start following their dreams, etc. In many parts of the world this is very true, no doubt. But in the Philippines? No, not at all. Just because ladies here know how to be sweet and enjoy being ladies doesn't imply subservience. This is a country full of strong, tough and determined women with resilience and with tremendous drive! Never be fooled!

We find this underestimation problem a little too common with some of our clients at Down Under Visa. Gents, please take note! And take particular note that the greater the age gap, the greater the mistaken believe that the lady is fragile and needs to be helped, guarded and protected every step of the way. I wrote a post once on the filipinawives.downundervisa.com site entitled “The Age Difference, and the Father/Daughter Syndrome” which you can find HERE. If you haven't read it, please do.

Postscript: I'm in no way saying that age-gaps = problems. We see some wonderfully close and sincere couples with many decades between them. But we are more likely to see the odd attitude that I described above too!

Wherever you go in the Philippines you discover that most families are very matriarchal. The ladies are the ones who do not just the physical work, but they also push the kids to study, and they come up with ways of making extra money through small business ventures, etc. Many of them opt to work overseas so they can get higher salaries than they would back home. They’ll be living and working as domestic helpers in households all over Asia and the Middle East. And they’ll be the ones who organise the jobs and the documents to make this happen. Not what you would get from a frail and helpless little maiden, rest assured.

To our gentleman sponsors, make sure you understand all this. She may not be a raging bra-burner and she may be quite happy and comfortable with you as a man, and she may also unashamedly like being fussed over by you (and why not??) without feeling patriarchally oppressed, but she is not weak and helpless! Make sure you get to know her as she actually is, and make sure you don’t stifle her. I do my very best to do my part in making a good life for my wife and our umpteen kids, but she’s no “trophy wife” let me assure you. She organises household things along with bills, banks, wages, hiring and firing of household staff, school stuff, doctors, and various officialdom that would have my head spinning. And the chances are your lady is made of similar stuff.

So forget the clichés you hear. And don’t treat her as your child. Chances are you have a best mate there, as well as an admirable life-partner.